Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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