I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you traded sex for a burrito?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
