i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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