I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
