i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
