She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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