Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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