Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
