im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
