I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
