She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
