You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
