Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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