saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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