I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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