Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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