We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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