Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
