Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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