My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
