you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
