just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
