In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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