Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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