see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
