Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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