is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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