I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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