We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sorry about my life...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
