Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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