Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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