Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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