my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
