I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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