so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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