I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My life is pants optional.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
