I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You smell like stripper and shame
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
