I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
