oh god the rape fog is back!
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I came so hard my ears popped.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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