You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
