Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
