like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
