I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
