last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
