you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
