I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
