I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
