the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
