I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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