I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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