I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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