Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
